2004 coming to a close...but still not much improvement...

yeah tt's right... yr 2004 is coming to a close but i'll still no different as compare to last yr. Still working for people although lately been quite rough ride trying to find myself a new challenge in life hoping that i would be able to enjoy every single moment of my life more meaningfully and satisfactorily but all in vain. In Anthony Robbins - Awaken the GIANT Within, i read through this book before. In it, mostly all postive and motivational quotes from famous people which is meant to giv us a "push" in our current state of life so that we could "pull" something dramatically and quickly to "change" the way we live our life. Many claims that they have read the book and it turns out to be very effective and useful especially the kind of impact it provides to throttle our life. But as for me, after reading it for the 2nd times, i still feel the same although do have some positive feeling while reading it but all these went off the moment i stopped reading it. Why? It's the book isn't good enough or i'm just too weak to be trained as a great positive thinker and executor? Am i lack of the capability to further excel or i'm just holding myself back because of the risks involved? What kind of risks are we talking here? Risks of being killed...No i don't think so... i tink it's more like personal risk... scared to fail, lack of self-motivation, self-confident, self-disciplined, and the lists will go on n on... neverending same goes for this! What am i trying to achieve all these years? What am i looking for? What's the catch? What's the hunt? Couldn't believe after so many years of hard and solid self-disciplined and motivational training i imposed on myself, and here i'm now writing abt all these which i should have mastered them long time ago. What's wrong wt me? Am i'm going crazy? Afraid not, i'm just being and feeling too insecured in this world, need to find a quick, positive and effective solutions else all my years of hardwork will goes down the drain... wouldn't want that to happen... how i wish i could be given another chance?... oh god... confused and frustrated life!