Friday, July 08, 2011

break free from your negative habits... here's a start!

The process of creation is the same for all things, whether you want to bring something to you or remove something negative from your life.

If you have a habit you wish to break, or anything negative you wish to remove from your life, you must focus on what you want. That means you visualize and imagine yourself in that negative-free state right now. Imagine yourself in as many scenes as you possibly can where the negative situation is completely absent. Imagine yourself happy and free. Eliminate any picture from your mind of you with the negative situation. Just imagine yourself in the state you want to be in, and feel that you are that, right now.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

7 Ways to Motivate Yourself

By Andrew G. Rosen, On Wednesday 22 June 2011, 22:01 SGT

Whether you're looking for a new job, trying to make your current one better, or planning a career transition, you'll need a healthy dose of motivation. Without discipline and will, your dreams and ambitions never come to life, turning even the best intentions into dust.

Here are seven ways to motivate yourself, so you can pick and choose the ones that work best for you:

Find the why.
When we set out to do something, it's important to keep the why in the front of your mind. Are you looking for a new job because you dislike your boss? Need more money? Want a shorter commute? Getting where we want to go can be a long journey, so never forget what set you out on the road to begin with. Write down why you're motivated and refer to it often.

Look forward. Pretend you have accomplished your goal. For example, if your goal is to learn a new language to impress a girl, you need to consider if the task is worth taking on--what if she rejects you? View things from multiple perspectives and ensure you are taking worthwhile roads. Once you commit, put the negative scenario out of your mind and concentrate on how good it will feel when you succeed.

Just do it. There's a reason the Nike slogan has endured for more than two decades. In the Data Age, we have so much information available to us at all times that it's easy to get lost in number-crunching oblivion. But there's nothing like rolling up your sleeves and getting started. Think about it: A perfect resume is useless if you don't send out. You'd be better served sending out 10 resumes that are almost perfect than none at all. Rarely are actions an absolute waste of time.

Reward yourself. If your goal is to get a new job, you will need to take action to make a change. Set goals and share them with someone you trust so that you can be held accountable. For example, promise that you'll send out two resumes a week to relevant jobs. If you succeed, reward yourself with a predetermined item. Likewise, if you fail, be sure to carry out a predetermined punishment. Even if a project doesn't feel as if it's worth your time, make it your business to make it worth your time. Otherwise, getting started can feel impossible.

Think of someone you hate. We all know jealousy and hatred are ugly emotions, but unless you're a Buddhist monastic, they're also a reality. Why not turn something dark into a tremendous motivator? Image the person you dislike taking action while you rest on your laurels? Wouldn't you rather be showered with happiness and rewards? Push yourself to get started--today!

Give yourself choices. Negative self-talk is often a high hurdle we must clear to get ourselves pumped up to do something we dread. Remember: You don't have to, you want to. This simple thought-swap can make any task more palatable.

Break it up. What sounds easier? Writing 1,000 words in two hours or writing 125 words in 15 minutes? Breaking your task into smaller parts will help you get started.

Andrew G. Rosen is the founder and editor of Jobacle.com, a career advice blog. He is also the author of How to Quit Your Job and an established freelance blogger who is available for hire. Follow him on Twitter (@jobacle) or connect on LinkedIn.

http://www.jobacle.com/blog/2010/5/6/work-motivation-a-do-it-yourself-project.html

Work Motivation: A Do-It-Yourself Project
How to work for “The Man” While Working on Your Dreams!
Let’s face it; we work because we have to.

Because it’s the “grown-up” thing to do.

Because like many things in the grown up world, it’s a trade-off.

We sell our “dreams” for the “reality” of monthly mortgage payments, insurance premiums, car notes and the privilege of keeping up with the Joneses.

Given our druthers, most of us would much rather spend our days chilling out in our undies with a big bowl of cereal while surfing the Net, or reaching new tiers on our favorite video games, or vegging out in front of the boob tube, or “doing damage” at the local mall, or becoming beach bums, or building our own business, or almost anything else.

Almost anything else other than the slow death that is corporate America and working for the man!

But all is not lost. Just because your career path has led you on the road to perdition, doesn’t mean you have to continue on a path filled with bumps, roadblocks, potholes, and dark passages.

In fact, in order to forge forward and go the distance, you’ll need to make an important detour—a mental one that is.

Here’s why.

Many moons ago, worker bees were encouraged to give their best through employee incentive programs, bonuses and other perks.

Good bosses served like cheerleaders, and some were even role models.

Not so much anymore.

The current thinking of “the powers that be” is that your paycheck (and the thought of poverty) should be motivation enough to perform.

So workplace motivation has become a do-it-yourself project.

With this in mind, you need to learn how to get “fired up” before you get fired!

If you want to survive the workplace, keep your sanity in tact, and make your days a bit more bearable, here are some pointers to pull it off.


1. Always give your best, but never give your all. When you’re sick, take off and take care of yourself. When you’re drained, seek balance and rest.

2. Keep a positive mental attitude. Remind yourself of all the blessings that are brought into your life as a result of your job. It could be that it allows you to send your kids to summer camp, or that you’ve formed important friendships with co-workers that will last a life-time, or that you’re honing your computer skills and cultivating more marketable skills. Or that the cute guy in the corner office could be your potential “baby daddy.”

3. Don’t be bitter, be better. Take criticisms and negative performance reviews and use them to your advantage. Work on your developmental areas and let your next boss benefit from a better you.

4. Take mini “mental vacations.” Escape the madness. Take your lunch break away from your desk. Stroll through a nearby park. Get lost between the pages of a good book. It’ll rejuvenate your spirits daily.

5. Seek work that you enjoy. If you’ve gotta work, why not apply your time and talents to your passion? Having meaningful work that speaks to your strengths and interests is the best way to reduce stress and enhance your productivity.

6. Prepare for your “release date.” Update that resume. Polish your interviewing skills. Learn all you can. Set goals and a timeline to make a move. New horizons await you!

By following these six savvy tips, you’ll be able to bide your time with a sense of peace and a sense of purpose. Don’t let working for the man work on you! Any self-help job motivation tips you'd care to share?

This is a guest post by Jennifer Brown Banks, a veteran freelance writer and pro blogger. She holds a B.A. in Business Management. Visit her site @ http://penandprosper.blogspot.com/

Henry Ford 1

Coming together is a beginning.
Keeping together is progress.
Working together is success.
Henry Ford

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Bali Coffee Luwak


Coffee Luwak | Bali Luwak Coffee

Coffee Luwak are robusta or arabica coffee beans which have been consumed by and passed over the digestive pathway of the Indonesian civet cat (family of Viverridae). This procedure takes place on the islands of Sumatra, Java and Bali in the Indonesian Archipelago.

Coffee Luwak is considered one of the finest coffees available. The majority of commercial Indonesian Kopi Luwak (civet coffee) is from Java and Sumatra or Sulawesi, and made from Robusta beans; Tastes of Indonesia sources its Kopi Luwak exclusively from the high quality Arabica plantations and is therefore considered to be of superior quality to other varieties.

"Kopi" is the Indonesian word for coffee and "Luwak" is local name of this animal which consumes the raw red coffee 'cherries' as portion of its common diet. This animal eats a mixed dieting of insects, small mammals and fruits along with the softer outer part of the coffee cherry but does not digest the inner beans, instead passing them still covered in some inner layers of the cherry.

Locals then gather the beans -- which come through the 'animal stage' fairly intact -- and sell them on to dealers. It is believed that enzymes in the stomach of the civet add to the coffee's flavour through fermentation of some type.

Enjoy your Coffee Luwak | Bali Luwak Coffee!

...inner fire...

“In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”
— Albert Schweitzer

Monday, June 06, 2011

39 Ways to Live, and Not Merely Exist

[shared from across...]
"The proper function of man is to live - not to exist." -- Jack London

Too often we go through life on autopilot, going through the motions and having each day pass like the one before it.

That's fine, and comfortable, until you have gone through another year without having done anything, without having really lived life.

That's fine, until you have reached old age and look back on life with regrets.

That's fine, until you see your kids go off to college and realize that you missed their childhoods.

It's not fine. If you want to truly live life, to really experience it, to enjoy it to the fullest, instead of barely scraping by and only living a life of existence, then you need to find ways to break free from the mold and drink from life.

What follows is just a list of ideas, obvious ones mostly that you could have thought of yourself, but that I hope are useful reminders. We all need reminders sometimes. If you find this useful, print it out, and start using it. Today.

1)Love. Perhaps the most important. Fall in love, if you aren't already. If you have, fall in love with your partner all over again. Abandon caution and let your heart be broken. Or love family members, friends, anyone -- it doesn't have to be romantic love. Love all of humanity, one person at a time.

2)Get outside. Don't let yourself be shut indoors. Go out when it's raining. Walk on the beach. Hike through the woods. Swim in a freezing lake. Bask in the sun. Play sports, or walk barefoot through grass. Pay close attention to nature.

3)Savor food. Don't just eat your food, but really enjoy it. Feel the texture, the bursts of flavors. Savor every bite. If you limit your intake of sweets, it will make the small treats you give yourself (berries or dark chocolate are my favorites) even more enjoyable. And when you do have them, really, really savor them. Slowly.

4)Create a morning ritual. Wake early and greet the day. Watch the sun rise. Out loud, tell yourself that you will not waste this day, which is a gift. You will be compassionate to your fellow human beings, and live every moment to its fullest. Stretch or meditate or exercise as part of your ritual. Enjoy some coffee.

5)Take chances. We often live our lives too cautiously, worried about what might go wrong. Be bold, risk it all. Quit your job and go to business for yourself (plan it out first!), or go up to that girl you've liked for a long time and ask her out. What do you have to lose?

6)Follow excitement. Try to find the things in life that excite you, and then go after them. Make life one exciting adventure after another (with perhaps some quiet times in between).

7)Find your passion. Similar to the above tip, this one asks you to find your calling. Make your living by doing the thing you love to do. First, think about what you really love to do. There may be many things. Find out how you can make a living doing it. It may be difficult, but you only live once.

8)Get out of your cubicle. Do you sit all day in front of computer, shuffling papers and taking phone calls and chatting on the Internet? Don't waste your days like this. Break free from the cubicle environment, and do your work on a laptop, in a coffee shop, or on a boat, or in a log cabin. This may require a change of jobs, or becoming a freelancer. It's worth it.

9)Turn off the TV. How many hours will we waste away in front of the boob tube? How many hours do we have to live? Do the math, then unplug the TV. Only plug it back in when you have a DVD of a movie you love. Otherwise, keep it off and find other stuff to do. Don't know what to do? Read further.

10)Pull away from Internet. You're reading something on the Internet right now. And, with the exception of this article, it is just more wasting away of your precious time. You cannot get these minutes back. Unplug the Internet, then get out of your office or house. Right now! And go and do something.

11)Travel. Sure, you want to travel some day. When you have vacation time, or when you're older. Well, what are you waiting for? Find a way to take a trip, if not this month, then sometime soon. You may need to sell your car or stop your cable bill and stop eating out to do it, but make it happen. You are too young to not see the world. If need be, find a way to make a living by freelancing, then work while you travel. Only work an hour or two a day. Don't check email but once a week. Then use the rest of the time to see the world.

12)Rediscover what's important. Take an hour and make a list of everything that's important to you. Add to it everything that you want to do in life. Now cut that list down to 4-5 things. Just the most important things in your life. This is your core list. This is what matters. Focus your life on these things. Make time for them.

13)Eliminate everything else. What's going on in your life that's not on that short list? All that stuff is wasting your time, pulling your attention from what's important. As much as possible, simplify your life by eliminating the stuff that's not on your short list, or minimizing it.

14)Exercise. Get off the couch and go for a walk. Eventually try running. Or do some push ups and crunches. Or swim or bike or row. Or go for a hike. Whatever you do, get active, and you'll love it. And life will be more alive.

15)Be positive. Learn to recognize the negative thoughts you have. These are the self-doubts, the criticisms of others, the complaints, the reasons you can't do something. Then stop yourself when you have these thoughts, and replace them with positive thoughts. Solutions. You can do this!

16)Open your heart. Is your heart a closed bundle of scar tissue? Learn to open it, have it ready to receive love, to give love unconditionally. If you have a problem with this, talk to someone about it. And practice makes perfect.

17)Kiss in the rain. Seize the moment and be romantic. Raining outside? Grab your lover and give her a passionate kiss. Driving home? Stop the car and pick some wildflowers. Send her a love note. Dress sexy for him.

18)Face your fears. What are you most afraid of? What is holding you back? Whatever it is, recognize it, and face it. Do what you are most afraid of. Afraid of heights? Go to the tallest building, and look down over the edge. Only by facing our fears can we be free of them.

19)When you suffer, suffer. Life isn't all about fun and games. Suffering is an inevitable part of life. We lose our jobs. We lose our lovers. We lose our pets. We get physically injured or sick. A loved one becomes sick. A parent dies. Learn to feel the pain intensely, and really grieve. This is a part of life -- really feel the pain. And when you're done, move on, and find joy.

20)Slow down. Life moves along at such a rapid pace these days. It's not healthy, and it's not conducive to living. Practice doing everything slowly -- everything, from eating to walking to driving to working to reading. Enjoy what you do. Learn to move at a snail's pace.

21)Touch humanity. Get out of your house and manicured neighborhoods, and find those who live in worse conditions. Meet them, talk to them, understand them. Live among them. Be one of them. Give up your materialistic lifestyle.

22)Volunteer. Help at homeless soup kitchens. Learn compassion, and learn to help ease the suffering of others. Help the sick, those with disabilities, those who are dying.

23)Play with children. Children, more than anyone else, know how to live. They experience everything in the moment, fully. When they get hurt, they really cry. When they play, they really have fun. Learn from them, instead of thinking you know so much more than them. Play with them, and learn to be joyful like them.

24)Talk to old people. There is no one wiser, more experienced, more learned, than those who have lived through life. They can tell you amazing stories. Give you advice on making a marriage last or staying out of debt. Tell you about their regrets, so you can learn from them and avoid the same mistakes. They are the wisdom of our society -- take advantage of their existence while they're still around.

25)Learn new skills. Constantly improve yourself instead of standing still -- not because you're so imperfect now, but because it is gratifying and satisfying. You should accept yourself as you are, and learn to love who you are, but still try to improve -- if only because the process of improvement is life itself.

26)Find spirituality. For some, this means finding God or Jesus or Allah or Buddha. For others, this means becoming in tune with the spirits of our ancestors, or with nature. For still others, this just means an inner energy. Whatever spirituality means for you, rediscover it, and its power.

27)Take mini-retirements. Don't leave the joy of retirement until you are too old to enjoy it. Do it now, while you're young. It makes working that much more worth it. Find ways to take a year off every few years. Save up, sell your home, your possessions, and travel. Live simply, but live, without having to work. Enjoy life, then go back to work and save up enough money to do it again in a couple of years.

29)Do nothing. Despite the tip above that we should find excitement, there is value in doing nothing as well. Not doing nothing as in reading, or taking a nap, or watching TV, or meditating. Doing nothing as in sitting there, doing nothing. Just learning to be still, in silence, to hear our inner voice, to be in tune with life. Do this daily if possible.

30)Stop playing video games. They might be fun, but they can take up way too much time. If you spend a lot of time playing online games, or computer solitaire, or Wii or Gameboy or whatever, consider going a week without it. Then find something else to do, outside.

31)Watch sunsets, daily. One of the most beautiful times of day. Make it a daily ritual to find a good spot to watch the sunset, perhaps having a light dinner while you do so.

32)Stop reading magazines. They're basically crap. And they waste your time and money. Cancel your subscriptions and walk past them at the news stands. If you have to read something, read a trashy novel or even better, read Dumb Little Man once a day and be done.

33)Break out from ruts. Do you do things the same way every day? Change it up. Try something new. Take a different route to work. Start your day out differently. Approach work from a new angle. Look at things from new perspectives.

34)Stop watching the news. It's depressing and useless. If you're a news junky, this may be difficult. I haven't watch TV news or read a newspaper regularly in about two years. It hasn't hurt me a bit. Anything important, my mom tells me about.

35)Laugh till you cry. Laughing is one of the best ways to live. Tell jokes and laugh your head off. Watch an awesome comedy. Learn to laugh at anything. Roll on the ground laughing. You'll love it.

36)Lose control. Not only control over yourself, but control over others. It's a bad habit to try to control others -- it will only lead to stress and unhappiness for yourself and those you try to control. Let others live, and live for yourself. And lose control of yourself now and then too.

37)Cry. Men, especially, tend to hold in our tears, but crying is an amazing release. Cry at sad movies. Cry at a funeral. Cry when you are hurt, or when somebody you love is hurt. It releases these emotions and allows us to cleanse ourselves.

38)Make an awesome dessert. I like to make warm, soft chocolate cake. But even berries dipped in chocolate, or crepes with ice cream and fruit, or fresh apple pie, or homemade chocolate chip cookies or brownies, are great. This isn't an every day thing, but an occasional treat thing. But it's wonderful.

39)Try something new, every week. Ask yourself: "What new thing shall I try this week?" Then be sure to do it. You don't have to learn a new language in one week, but seek new experiences. Give it a try. You might decide you want to keep it in your life.

Be in the moment. Instead of thinking about things you need to do, or things that have happened to you, or worrying or planning or regretting, think about what you are doing, right now. What is around you? What smells and sounds and sights and feelings are you experiencing? Learn to do this as much as possible through meditation, but also through bringing your focus back to the present as much as you can in everything you do.

[This article was written for Dumblittleman.com] Written on 6/19/2007 by Leo Babauta, a writer, a runner and a vegetarian, and the owner of Zen Habits. This article was republished on 6/28/09.

Friday, May 06, 2011

...family...

“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family.”
— Anthony Brandt

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

...gratitude...

When you exist in the great state of gratitude, you become a person who only wants to give. You become so grateful that it takes over your life, and you can't find enough opportunities in a day to give. You give joy, you give love, you give money, you give appreciation, you give compliments, and you give kindness. You give the best of yourself in your job, in your relationships, and to strangers.

You will know when you have really found true gratitude, because you will become a giver. One who is truly grateful cannot be anything else.

Friday, April 22, 2011

you define your own life...

"You define your own life. Don't let other people write your script."

Thursday, April 21, 2011

*Success Redefined*

*Success Redefined*

Every effort brings me closer,
When it is so near,
I feel like a winner,
Yet losing it I can't bear,

Many stories told,
Setting examples for many,
I need to be bold,
As I want to standout from many,

Every failures brings me closer,
Through sheer determination,
I vow not to be a loser,
Through learning by inspiration,

Success is 99% perspiration,
Nothing is ever achieved without sweat,
And a lot of preparation,
I will, and again I'll succeed and be great!!!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

My Love For You...

My Love For You...

You taught me patient,
When I was ill-tempered,
You taught me sefless,
When I was selfish,

Our love blossom from that smile,
The same smile which melts my heart,
When i'm down, i think of your smile,
That cute little smile of art,

You taught me caring,
When i lost my bearing,
You taught me sharing,
When i lost my pairing,

Our first date spent on porridge,
That lovely bowl of hot emotions,
It was then we formed our bridge,
To our ever long lasting LOVE potions!

I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU DEAR, each day, each hour, each second, each moment, each laughter, each smile, each hot tempting bowl of porridge that we spend together! 520530!!! ^_^

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

what you know about passion?!?!

"If you don't know what your passion is, realize that one reason for your existence on earth is to find it."

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

...about poem...

"A great poem can move you, shake you and remind you what it is to be human."

— Oprah

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

..poetry..part2...

So come to the pond,
or the river of your imagination,
or the harbor of your longing,
and put your lips to the world.
— Mary Oliver

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Poetry...

“Poetry can startle you, awaken you, make you fall in love, take your breath away. When those words sink in, you'll never look at your life or your journey the same way again.”
— Maria Shriver, guest editor

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

change... moving on...

When a big change occurs in your life it forces you to change direction. Sometimes the new path may not be easy, but you can be absolutely certain that there is magnificence for you on the new path. You can be absolutely certain that the new path contains things that you could not have experienced otherwise.

When we look back at a negative event that occurred in the past, we often see how in fact it transformed our life. We see how that event directed us toward a life that we would not change for anything.

...challenging experience...

"I know for sure that in every challenging experience there's an opportunity to grow, enhance your life or learn something invaluable about yourself."

Monday, March 07, 2011

Yourself...

“Act as a master of your life by putting your health, well-being and happiness first.”
—  Marianna Olszewski

Sunday, March 06, 2011

Nine Things Successful People Do Differently

Why have you been so successful in reaching some of your goals, but not others? If you aren't sure, you are far from alone in your confusion. It turns out that even brilliant, highly accomplished people are pretty lousy when it comes to understanding why they succeed or fail. The intuitive answer — that you are born predisposed to certain talents and lacking in others — is really just one small piece of the puzzle. In fact, decades of research on achievement suggests that successful people reach their goals not simply because of who they are, but more often because of what they do.

1. Get specific. When you set yourself a goal, try to be as specific as possible. "Lose 5 pounds" is a better goal than "lose some weight," because it gives you a clear idea of what success looks like. Knowing exactly what you want to achieve keeps you motivated until you get there. Also, think about the specific actions that need to be taken to reach your goal. Just promising you'll "eat less" or "sleep more" is too vague — be clear and precise. "I'll be in bed by 10pm on weeknights" leaves no room for doubt about what you need to do, and whether or not you've actually done it.

2. Seize the moment to act on your goals. Given how busy most of us are, and how many goals we are juggling at once, it's not surprising that we routinely miss opportunities to act on a goal because we simply fail to notice them. Did you really have no time to work out today? No chance at any point to return that phone call? Achieving your goal means grabbing hold of these opportunities before they slip through your fingers.
To seize the moment, decide when and where you will take each action you want to take, in advance. Again, be as specific as possible (e.g., "If it's Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, I'll work out for 30 minutes before work.") Studies show that this kind of planning will help your brain to detect and seize the opportunity when it arises, increasing your chances of success by roughly 300%.

3. Know exactly how far you have left to go. Achieving any goal also requires honest and regular monitoring of your progress — if not by others, then by you yourself. If you don't know how well you are doing, you can't adjust your behavior or your strategies accordingly. Check your progress frequently — weekly, or even daily, depending on the goal.

4. Be a realistic optimist. When you are setting a goal, by all means engage in lots of positive thinking about how likely you are to achieve it. Believing in your ability to succeed is enormously helpful for creating and sustaining your motivation. But whatever you do, don't underestimate how difficult it will be to reach your goal. Most goals worth achieving require time, planning, effort, and persistence. Studies show that thinking things will come to you easily and effortlessly leaves you ill-prepared for the journey ahead, and significantly increases the odds of failure.

5. Focus on getting better, rather than being good. Believing you have the ability to reach your goals is important, but so is believing you can get the ability. Many of us believe that our intelligence, our personality, and our physical aptitudes are fixed — that no matter what we do, we won't improve. As a result, we focus on goals that are all about proving ourselves, rather than developing and acquiring new skills.
Fortunately, decades of research suggest that the belief in fixed ability is completely wrong — abilities of all kinds are profoundly malleable. Embracing the fact that you can change will allow you to make better choices, and reach your fullest potential. People whose goals are about getting better, rather than being good, take difficulty in stride, and appreciate the journey as much as the destination.

6. Have grit. Grit is a willingness to commit to long-term goals, and to persist in the face of difficulty. Studies show that gritty people obtain more education in their lifetime, and earn higher college GPAs. Grit predicts which cadets will stick out their first grueling year at West Point. In fact, grit even predicts which round contestants will make it to at the Scripps National Spelling Bee.
The good news is, if you aren't particularly gritty now, there is something you can do about it. People who lack grit more often than not believe that they just don't have the innate abilities successful people have. If that describes your own thinking .... well, there's no way to put this nicely: you are wrong. As I mentioned earlier, effort, planning, persistence, and good strategies are what it really takes to succeed. Embracing this knowledge will not only help you see yourself and your goals more accurately, but also do wonders for your grit.

7. Build your willpower muscle. Your self-control "muscle" is just like the other muscles in your body — when it doesn't get much exercise, it becomes weaker over time. But when you give it regular workouts by putting it to good use, it will grow stronger and stronger, and better able to help you successfully reach your goals.
To build willpower, take on a challenge that requires you to do something you'd honestly rather not do. Give up high-fat snacks, do 100 sit-ups a day, stand up straight when you catch yourself slouching, try to learn a new skill. When you find yourself wanting to give in, give up, or just not bother — don't. Start with just one activity, and make a plan for how you will deal with troubles when they occur ("If I have a craving for a snack, I will eat one piece of fresh or three pieces of dried fruit.") It will be hard in the beginning, but it will get easier, and that's the whole point. As your strength grows, you can take on more challenges and step-up your self-control workout.

8. Don't tempt fate. No matter how strong your willpower muscle becomes, it's important to always respect the fact that it is limited, and if you overtax it you will temporarily run out of steam. Don't try to take on two challenging tasks at once, if you can help it (like quitting smoking and dieting at the same time). And don't put yourself in harm's way — many people are overly-confident in their ability to resist temptation, and as a result they put themselves in situations where temptations abound. Successful people know not to make reaching a goal harder than it already is.

9. Focus on what you will do, not what you won't do. Do you want to successfully lose weight, quit smoking, or put a lid on your bad temper? Then plan how you will replace bad habits with good ones, rather than focusing only on the bad habits themselves. Research on thought suppression (e.g., "Don't think about white bears!") has shown that trying to avoid a thought makes it even more active in your mind. The same holds true when it comes to behavior — by trying not to engage in a bad habit, our habits get strengthened rather than broken.
If you want change your ways, ask yourself, What will I do instead? For example, if you are trying to gain control of your temper and stop flying off the handle, you might make a plan like "If I am starting to feel angry, then I will take three deep breaths to calm down." By using deep breathing as a replacement for giving in to your anger, your bad habit will get worn away over time until it disappears completely.
It is my hope that, after reading about the nine things successful people do differently, you have gained some insight into all the things you have been doing right all along. Even more important, I hope are able to identify the mistakes that have derailed you, and use that knowledge to your advantage from now on. Remember, you don't need to become a different person to become a more successful one. It's never what you are, but what you do.
Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D. is a motivational psychologist, and author of the new book Succeed: How We Can Reach Our Goals (Hudson Street Press, 2011). She is also an expert blogger on motivation and leadership for Fast Company and Psychology Today. Her personal blog, The Science of Success, can be found at www.heidigranthalvorson.com. Follow her on Twitter @hghalvorson

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

...challenges...

"Every challenge can make you stronger if you allow it. Strength multiplied = power."